By Anosha Kumara | Submitted On December 04, 2012
“Dukkha” or as many of us here in the West refer to as ‘Suffering’ is one of the Four Noble Truths described in the Buddhist Philosophy. Dukkha appears in many forms. It could be as severe as the loss of a loved one, having a terminal illness or as simple as a mosquito bite. Either way, we cannot escape Dukkha. It is the very nature of life. It appears from time to time in all of our lives whether we like it or not.
We live most of our lives trying to avoid and escape this phenomenon called Dukkha. When we meet Dukkha our typical emotional responses can range from wallowing to denying. Neither response is healthy because they create emotional ‘dents’ and affect our long-term well-being. It took me many readings of the “Turning of the Wheel of Dhamma”, the first sermon of the Buddha, to even notice that he specifically instructed his disciples to understand Dukkha. There was no mention of wallowing in or denying of it. It has been a few years since I noticed it for myself. From that day onwards, I have lived trying to understand Dukkha and that is what has led me to write this article.
Understanding Dukkha has given me new perspectives. I realise that when I see Dukkha for what it is, that I can do more than just deny it or wallow in it. For example, I have constant migraines and they can be pretty unpleasant and painful. A lot of Dukkha. When I have a migraine headache, I notice my Dukkha. This could be mere physical sensations as throbbing, pain, discomfort to light and sound, headaches, tearing of eyes or it could be my own internal verbalization such as “Oh, why do I have to get these so often?”, “Why me?”, “Why hasn’t it gone away after painkillers?”. Whichever the one that is at the top of my mind, I give it full attention. I also use what Ajahn Brahm calls the “Opening of the door of your heart” treatment. I not only give it my full attention but I also use as much kindness and compassion as possible to watch my migraines and thoughts associated with it. When I focus on it for some time, the pain subsides, my crazy thoughts start to slow down and I feel a sense of ease. I realised that my migraines did not bother me as much or give me as much mental pain.
Recently, I was on a trip to the Grand Canyon. On my way to the flight I pulled my back. It was so bad that I could barely walk. I was on my own. My husband was playing golf in Arizona. I wanted to do many things – cry, blame my husband for not being there, blame myself for doing too much work despite feeling a bit of pain the previous day. But instead, I had a moment of clarity. Instead of doing all that, I resolved to notice my pain and my need to blame everything else around me and myself. Because I was so focused on my pain whenever I got a chance – well four hours of flying time and one hour in transit – I did not have time to cry, blame my husband or even blame myself. It was a good thing I did that because despite all the pain and difficulty in walking, I was happy when my husband arrived to pick me up at the airport in Phoenix. It made things easier for him to be with me and help me to get through my pain even though I was very much limited to what I could do.
It was then I remembered that Ajahn Brahm used to say that the mind can only hold one thing at a time. He is right on that and thank goodness for that! Holding my pain, sorrow, despair and fear one moment at a time has helped me get over many obstacle and difficulties during the last few years. It even helps me if I have to associate people who I do not like and have extended conversation with them or worse dinners or parties!
My training paid off. I had a severe back pain during my entire five days in Phoenix and Grand Canyon and I could barely walk but I had enormous fun and so did my husband. Of course, I also took plenty of medication and the rubs that I could to help reduce the pain.
To me this was a great example of understanding Dukkha and not purely wallowing in it or denying it. In life, no matter what we encounter or experience be it good or bad, we have choices. Most of us live in a world of “I have a choice” (being a winner) or “I don’t have a choice” (being a loser). But in reality between the two ends lies a vast array of choices that we fail to see because we have little or no clarity of what we face and how we feel. These choices allow us to take charge of what we do and not become mere followers or victims. These choices also give us creative ways to face life in a more colourful way.
Now how does this help in “Letting Go”? Letting Go has become almost a cliché these days. Most do not understand the depth of the meaning behind the word and the level of tranquility required to ‘Let Go’. Real “Letting Go” as described in the Buddhist Philosophy, comes out of an equanimous mind. That is a mind that is neither in the grip of dislike or wanting. We can easily ‘Let Go’, when we dislike something. It’s like fire. On the other hand we will hold on to things because we like them so much and fail to ‘Let Go’. At other times, we will say we are “Letting Go” but in reality all we want is something to change for us to be happier. But real ‘Letting Go’ has none of those elements in it. It arises out of a pure, clear mind and gives a clear sense of relief, a weightlessness that leaves no room for more or less. You just become completely content with everything that is and you are, right at that moment.
I have noticed that the more I expose myself to seeing Dukkha, the more my mind releases its grip on things. It’s almost as if it learns that ‘Oh here is Dukkha again, let’s just leave it alone”. It’s like a crying child. Once you leave the child alone for a while, then the child learns to soothe itself. In the same way, when Dukka appears, it’s like a crying child. Wanting something or wanting something to go away. “I want my pain to stop!” or “I do not want my pain now!”. It’s asking for attention. But when you leave it alone, it cannot sustain itself. Then it disappears. Even if it appears a thousand times, it will disappear each time. The mind learns this after a while of practice, of course with great patience.
I also see Dukka as a bubble. Bubbles are transient in nature. They arise, stay for a while, burst and disappear. So does Dukkha. It appears, stays for a while and then disappears. It’s like one of those bell curves that we learn in Science. This is common to all forms of Dukkha. If you have lost a parent, at the time of the loss you would have thought that life ended right then there for you. The grief is intense, and you feel paralysed. But as life goes on, the pain lessens and after perhaps days, months or even years you will feel it as only a memory. It is also common to all happiness’s as well. Anyway, when the mind sees this over and over, it begins to understand the commonality of all forms of Dukkha – that is it arises, stays and disappears. All one has to do is develop enough patience to stay with it for as long as it lasts – be it a minute or hours, days or months. No matter how long it takes, it will eventually disappear.
This is the beginning of ‘Letting Go’, at least to me. The trickiest is developing enough cushioning around your heart to wait for it to appear and disappear. The hardest part is staying with it. It is then that our typical responses such as “I don’t want it like this”, “I want this person out of my sight” come our way. When the mind feels the relief of release, it starts liking “Letting Go”. It is almost as if it gets better by repetition. The first time might be hard but the second time it is going to happen sooner and the more it happens the less time it will take for the bubble to burst. It’s like the child who has understood that the parent is not going to give in to its whims and there soothes itself quickly.
Dukkha has to be understood, said the Buddha. He was right at that. To me the easiest way has been to start with small ones. It started with physical pain for me but over the years I have been able to notice and maintain balance of mind even through some of my emotional pains. It takes time, a lot of it and patience and a whole lot of it. Then the “Letting Go” starts happening. These happen over years of practice. But they do happen and it is simply awesome.
I hope those who read this article would use these methods or at least listen to a monk like Ajahn Brahm or read the “Turning of the Wheel of Dhamma” sutta. In a world where we are constantly swinging like pendulums, it is important to find that place of quietness and balance so we could bring peace and harmony to ourselves. I do not believe that I could create peace in the world or in my family or anywhere else, but I certainly do believe that I can create it within me.
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